Peach in Wonderland
by AGP1990
Summary: Lewis Carroll's timeless classic, Alice in Wonderland, told in the Marioverse (in case you were wondering, the White Rabbit is Mario, the Queen of Hearts is Kammy Koopa, and the King of Hearts is Bowser.) Songs (C) 1951 Walt Disney Music RIP SATORU IWATA, CEO OF NINTENDO 1959-2015
1. Fallin', yes I am fallin'

Peach was getting bored of sitting by Daisy as the book she read had no pictures or conversations in it. "And what is the use of a book," thought Peach, "without pictures or conversations?"

So she was dreaming of her own little world when suddenly a White Rabbit in a red waistcoat with blue eyes ran close by her. Nothing really seemed strange at first; but when the Rabbit took a watch out of his waistcoat-pocket, Peach started to her feet, chasing after him as he sang:

"I'm late! I'm late!

For a very important date!

No time to say hello, goodbye!

I'm late! I'm late! I'm late!"

"Mr. Rabbit!" shouted Peach. "Wait!"

"NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" sang the rabbit.

"I'm overdue!

I'm really in a stew!

No time to say goodbye, hello!

I'm late! I'm late! I'm late!"

As Peach chased the Rabbit she was just in time to see him pop down a large rabbit-hole under the hedge.

In another moment Peach went down after him. The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, and then dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that Peach had not a moment to think about stopping herself before she found herself falling down a very deep well.

"Well!" thought Peach to herself. "After such a fall as this, I shall think nothing of tumbling down the stairs! How brave they'll all think me at home! Why, I wouldn't say anything about it, even if I fell off the top of the house! I wonder how far I've fallen. I must be getting somewhere near the centre of the earth."

Suddenly, thump! She landed upon a heap of sticks and dry leaves, and the fall was over. Peach was not a bit hurt, and she jumped up on to her feet in a moment; before her was another long passage, and the White Rabbit was still in sight, hurrying down it. Peach ran very fast and was just in time to hear him say, "Oh my fur and whiskers, how late it's getting!"

Suddenly she came upon a little three-legged table made of solid glass, and on it was a tiny golden key, and Peach's first thought was that it might belong to one of the doors of the hall; but when she came upon a low curtain she had not noticed before, she opened it, and behind it was a little door about fifteen inches high. She tried the little golden key in the lock, and it fit!

"Even if my head would go through," thought poor Peach, "it would be of very little use without my shoulders. Oh, how I wish I could shut up like a telescope!" She went back to the table, and found a little bottle on it, and round the neck of the bottle was a paper label, with the words "DRINK ME" beautifully printed on it in large letters.

It was all very well to say "Drink me," but the wise little Peach wouldn't do that in a hurry. "No, I'll look first," she said, "and see whether it's marked "poison" or not." Of course, she knew too well that if you drink from a bottle marked "poison," it is almost certain to disagree with you, sooner or later. However, this bottle was not marked "poison," so Peach ventured to taste it, and finding it very nice, with a sort of mixed flavour of cherry-tart, custard, pineapple, roast turkey, toffee, and hot buttered toast, she very soon finished it off. "What a curious feeling! I must be shutting up like a telescope."

She was now only three inches high, and her face brightened up at the thought that she was now the right size for going through the little door into that lovely garden; and as nothing more happened, she decided on going into the garden at once; but, when she got to the door, she found she had forgotten the little golden key, and she could not possibly reach it, although she could see it, so she cried and cried.

Soon her eye fell on a little glass box that was lying under the table. She opened it, and found a very small cake, on which the words "EAT ME" were beautifully marked in sprinkles. "Well, I'll eat it," said Peach, "and if I grow larger, I can reach the key; and if I get smaller, I can creep under the door; so either way I'll get into the garden!"

She ate a little bit, and said anxiously to herself, "Which way? Which way?", holding her hand on the top of her head to feel which way it was growing, and she was quite surprised to find that she remained the same size; so she set to work, and very soon finished off the cake.


	2. Quick tears were raining down her face

"Curiouser and curiouser!" cried Peach. "Now I'm opening out like the largest telescope that ever was!" Just then her head struck against the roof of the hall; she was now more than nine feet high, and she at once took up the little golden key and hurried off to the garden door. Poor Peach! To get through was more hopeless than ever, so she sat down and began to cry again.

"You ought to be ashamed of yourself!" sobbed Peach, shedding gallons of tears until there was a large pool all round her about four inches deep and reaching half down the hall. After a time she heard a little pattering of feet in the distance, and she hastily dried her eyes to see what was coming. It was the White Rabbit returning, splendidly dressed, with a pair of white kid gloves in one hand and a large fan in the other: he came trotting along in a great hurry, muttering to himself as he came, "Oh, my fur and whiskers! It's getting late!" Peach felt so desperate that she was ready to ask help of any one; so, when the Rabbit came near her, she began, in a low, timid voice, "If you please, sir!" The Rabbit started violently, dropped the white kid gloves and the fan, and skurried away into the darkness as hard as he could go.

Peach took up the fan and gloves, and, as the hall was very hot, she kept fanning herself all the time she went on talking: "Dear, dear! How queer everything is today! And yesterday things went on just as usual. Perhaps I'd changed in the night. Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is, Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle! I wonder if I remember 'How doth the little busy bee;'" but it all came out as such:

"How doth the little crocodile

Improve his shining tail,

And pour the waters of the Nile

On every golden scale!

"How cheerfully he seems to grin,

How neatly spread his claws,

And welcomes little fishes in

With gently smiling jaws!"

"I'm sure those are not the right words," said poor Peach, and her eyes filled with tears again as she went on. "I am so very tired of being all alone here!"

As she said this she looked down at her hands, and was surprised to see that she had put on one of the Rabbit's little white kid gloves while she was talking. "I must be growing small again." She was now about two feet high, and was shrinking rapidly because of the fan.

"That was a narrow escape!" said Peach. "And now for the garden! Oh dear! Now the little door is shut again, and the key is on the glass table as before, and things are worse than ever, for I never was so small as this before!"

As she said these words her foot slipped, and in another moment, she was up to her chin in salt water. Her first idea was that she had somehow fallen into the sea, "and in that case I can go back by railway," she said to herself. However, she soon made out that she was in the pool of tears which she had wept when she was nine feet high.

"I wish I hadn't cried so much!" said Peach, as she swam about, trying to find her way out. She saw the Rabbit doing freestyle across the water; so Peach went after him, only to see him escape into the distance.


	3. Toadle-dum and Toadle-dee

As she arrived on land she saw two strange mushroom figures. They stood so still that she quite forgot they were alive, and she was just looking round to see if the word "TOADLE" was written at the back of each collar, when she was startled by a voice coming from the one marked "DUM."

"If you think we're wax-works," he said, "you ought to pay, you know!"

"Contrariwise," added the one marked "DEE," "if you think we're alive, you ought to speak."

"I was wondering," Peach said very politely, "if you know where a White Rabbit passed by. Would you tell me, please?"

But the little men only looked at each other and grinned.

"You're wrong!" cried Toadle-dum. "The first thing in a visit is to say 'How d'ye do?' and shake hands!" And here the two brothers gave each other a hug, and then they held out the two hands that were free, to shake hands with her.

"Now that we're done with that, my name is Peach," she said, "and I'm looking for a White Rabbit and I want to know where he went."

"You like poetry?" asked Toadle-dum.

"Yes, some poetry," Peach said doubtfully.

"What shall I repeat to her?" asked Toadle-dee.

"'The Birdo and the Lakitu' is the longest," Toadle-dum replied.

Toadle-dee began instantly:

"The sun was shining in the woods,

Shining with all his might.

He did his very best to make

The leaves look smooth and bright;

And this was odd, because it was

The middle of the night.

The Birdo and the Lakitu

Were walking on this date.

They wept like anything to see

Such mud in heavy weight.

'If this were only cleared away,'

They said, 'it would be great!'

'If seven maids with seven mops

Swept it for half a year,

Do you suppose,' the Birdo said,

'That they could get it clear?'

'I doubt it,' said the Lakitu,

Who shed a bitter tear.

'O Goombas, come and walk with us!'

The Birdo said quite clean.

'A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,

Within the forest green:

We cannot do with more than four,

As four our hands have been.'

The eldest Goomba looked at him.

But never a word he said.

The eldest Goomba winked his eye,

And shook his heavy head–

Meaning to say he did not choose

To leave the Goomba-bed.

But four young Goombas hurried up,

And then another four;

And thick and fast they came at last,

And more, and more, and more;

All hopping from the forest trees,

And scrambling to the floor.

The Birdo and the Lakitu

Walked on a mile or so,

And then they rested on a stump

Conveniently low;

And all the little Goombas stood

And waited in a row.

'The time has come,' the Birdo said,

'To talk of many things:

Of shoes – and ships – and sealing-wax–

And cabbages – and kings–

And why the sea is boiling hot–

And whether pigs have wings.'

'But wait a bit,' the Goombas cried,

'Before we have our chat;

For some of us are out of breath,

And all of us are fat!'

'No hurry!' said the Lakitu.

They thanked him much for that.

'A loaf of bread,' the Birdo said,

'Is what we chiefly need.

Pepper and vinegar besides

Are very good indeed.

Now if you're ready, Goombas dear,

We can begin to feed.'

'But not on us!' the Goombas cried,

Turning a little blue.

'After such kindness, that would be

A dismal thing to do!'

'The night is fine,' the Birdo said

'Do you admire the view?

'It was so kind of you to come!

And you are very nice!'

The Lakitu said nothing but

'Cut us another slice.

I wish you were not quite so deaf –

I've had to ask you twice!'

'It seems a shame,' the Birdo said,

'To play them such a trick,

After we've brought them out so far,

And made them trot so quick!'

The Lakitu said nothing but

'The butter's spread too thick!'

'I weep for you,' the Birdo said.

'I deeply sympathize.'

With sobs and tears he sorted out

Those of the largest size,

Holding his pocket handkerchief

Before his streaming eyes.

'O Goombas,' said the Lakitu.

'You've had a pleasant run!

Shall we be trotting home again?'

But answer came there none;

And this was scarcely odd, because

they'd eaten every one."

"Well!" exclaimed Peach. "They are both very unpleasant characters! Thank you, anyway!" And she left, completely forgetting about them.


	4. Stuck in the Rabbit's House

Peach saw the White Rabbit, trotting slowly back again, and looking anxiously about as he went, as if he had lost something; and she heard him muttering to himself: "Oh my fur and whiskers! Where can I have dropped them, I wonder?" Peach guessed in a moment that he was looking for the fan and the pair of white kid gloves, and she very good-naturedly began hunting about for them, but they were nowhere to be seen.

Very soon the Rabbit noticed Peach. "Why, Mary Ann, what are you doing out here? Run home this moment, and fetch me a pair of gloves and a fan! Quick, now!" And Peach ran off at once in the direction he pointed.

"How surprised he'll be when he finds out who I am! But I'd better take him his fan and gloves – if I can find them." As she said this, she came upon a neat little house, on the door of which was a bright brass plate with the name "M. MARIO" engraved upon it. She went in without knocking and hurried upstairs.

By this time she had found her way into a tidy little room with a table in the window, and on it were a fan and two or three pairs of tiny white kid gloves. She took up the fan and a pair of the gloves, and just before she would have left the room, her eye fell upon a little bottle near the looking-glass. There was no label this time, but nevertheless she opened it and drank it. "I know something interesting is sure to happen," she said to herself, "so I'll just see what this bottle does. I do hope it'll make me grow large again, for really I'm quite tired of being such a tiny little thing!"

It did so indeed, and much sooner than she had expected! She went on growing, and growing until she was very large and hardly filled the house. Luckily, the little magic bottle had now had its full effect, and she grew no larger. Still, it was very uncomfortable.

"When I used to read fairy-tales," thought Peach, "I fancied that kind of thing never happened, and now here I am in the middle of one!"

"Mary Ann! Mary Ann!" said a voice. "Fetch me my gloves this moment!" She knew it was the Rabbit as he came up to the door to get in; but, as Peach's leg protruded from it, the attempt proved a failure. "Then I'll go round and get in at the window."

"That you won't," thought Peach, and, after waiting till she fancied she heard the Rabbit just under the window, she suddenly spread out her hand but grabbed nothing.

"I must fetch Luigi!" cried the Rabbit, running off to catch a green lizard dressed in a green shirt, blue overalls, and a green cap. "Go down the chimney, Luigi!"

"Oh! So Luigi's got to come down the chimney!" said Peach to herself. As Luigi came down, he launched a huge cloud of cinders into Peach's face, causing her to sneeze him out the chimney.

"Well," the Rabbit said sadly as Luigi flew out, "there goes Luigi!" But Luigi quickly came down and the Rabbit said, "What happened to you? Tell me all about it!"

Luigi, quite unable to think clearly, said, "All I know is, something comes at me like a Jack-in-the-box, and up I go like a sky-rocket!"

"We must burn the house down!" said the Rabbit. "No!" cried Peach. "I refuse to be burned out!"

There was a dead silence instantly, and Peach thought to herself, "I wonder what he will do next! If he had any sense, he'd take the roof off." The next moment a shower of little pebbles rattled in at the window. Peach noticed with some surprise that the pebbles turned into little cakes as they lay on the floor, and a bright idea came into her head. "If I eat one of these cakes," she thought, "it will alter my size – and make me smaller, I suppose."

So she swallowed one of the cakes, and was delighted to find that she began shrinking directly. As soon as she was small enough to get through the door, she ran out of the house, and found Poor Luigi being held up by the rabbit; and as they took no notice of her, Peach soon found herself safe in a thick wood.


	5. Peach and the Flowers

At the end of the wood she saw a garden. "Oh, I do hope that is the beautiful garden," she thought, "but that seems very unlikely. O Tiger-lily, I wish you could talk!"

"We can talk," said the Tiger-lily, "when there's anybody worth talking to."

"And can all the flowers talk?"

"As well as you can," said the Tiger-lily, "and a great deal louder."

"It isn't manners for us to begin, you know," said the Rose, "and I really was wondering when you'd speak! Still, you're the right colour, and that goes a long way."

"I don't care about the colour," the Tiger-lily remarked. "If only her petals curled up a little more, she'd be all right."

"Aren't you sometimes frightened at being planted out here with nobody to take care of you?"

"Oh, not at all," said the Rose.

"Never mind!" Peach said in a soothing tone, and stooping down to the daisies, who were just beginning to giggle, she whispered, "If you don't hold your tongues, I'll pick you!"

There was silence in a moment, and several of the pink daisies turned white.

"that's right!" said the Tiger-lily. "The daisies are worst of all. When one speaks, they all begin together, and it's enough to make one wither to hear the way they go on!"

"How is it you can all talk so nicely?" Peach said. "I've been in many gardens before, but none of the flowers could talk."

"Put your hand down, and feel the ground," said the Tiger-lily. "Then you'll know why."

Peach did so. "It's very hard," she said, "but I don't see what that has to do with it."

"In most gardens," the Tiger-lily said, "they make the beds too soft, so the flowers are always asleep."

"I never thought of that before!" Peach said.

"It's my opinion that you never think at all," the Rose said in a rather severe tone.

"I'm sorry if I hurt your field, Missus," Peach said nervously.

"Nothing of the sort," said the Rose. "And I'm sorry for being so rude to you!"

"You weren't," said Peach, "but I'm sorry that I must go!" And she ran off back into the forest.

"The first thing I've got to do," said Peach to herself, "is to grow to my right size again; and the second thing is to find my way into that lovely garden. I suppose I ought to eat or drink something or other; but what?"

Peach looked all round her at the flowers and the blades of grass, but she did not see anything that looked like the right thing to eat or drink under the circumstances. There was a large mushroom growing near her, about the same height as herself; and when she had looked under it, and on both sides of it, and behind it, it occurred to her that she might as well look and see what was on the top of it.

She stretched herself up on tiptoe, and peeped over the edge of the mushroom, and her eyes immediately met those of a large Wiggler, sitting on the top with its arms folded, quietly smoking a long hookah, and taking not the smallest notice of anything.


	6. Advice from a Wiggler

The Wiggler and Peach looked at each other for some time in silence: at last the Wiggler took the hookah out of its mouth, and addressed her in a languid, sleepy voice.

"Who are you?" said the Wiggler.

Peach replied, rather shyly, "I hardly know, sir, at present. At least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have changed several times since then that I hardly know who I am. I think you ought to tell me who you are first!"

"Keep your temper," said the Wiggler.

"Is that all?" said Peach.

"No," said the Wiggler "So you think you've changed, have you?"

"I'm afraid I have, sir," said Peach. "I can't remember things as I used to – I've tried to say "How doth the little busy bee," but it all came different! And I don't keep the same size for ten minutes together!"

"Repeat 'You are old, Father William,'" said the Wiggler.

Peach folded her hands, and began:

"'You are old, Father William,' the young man said,

'And your hair has become very white;

And yet you incessantly stand on your head–

Do you think, at your age, it is right?'

'In my youth,' Father William replied to his son,

'I feared it might injure the brain;

But now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,

Why, I do it again and again.'

'You are old,' said the youth, 'as I mentioned before,

And have grown most uncommonly fat;

Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door–

Pray, what is the reason of that?'

'In my youth,' said the sage, as he shook his grey locks,

'I kept all my limbs very supple

By the use of this ointment – one shilling the box –

Allow me to sell you a couple.'

'You are old,' said the youth, 'and your jaws are too weak

For anything tougher than suet;

Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak–

Pray, how did you manage to do it?'

'In my youth,' said his father, 'I took to the law,

And argued each case with my wife;

And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw,

Has lasted the rest of my life.'

'You are old,' said the youth; 'one would hardly suppose

That your eye was as steady as ever;

Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose–

What made you so awfully clever?'

'I have answered three questions, and that is enough,'

Said his father. 'Don't give yourself airs!

Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?

Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs!'"

"That is not said right. It is wrong from beginning to end," said the Wiggler decidedly, and there was silence for some time. It was broken by the Wiggler. "What size do you want to be?" he asked.

"Well, I should like to be a little larger, sir, if you wouldn't mind," said Peach. "Three inches is such a wretched height to be."

"It is a very good height indeed!" said the Wiggler angrily. "I am exactically three inches high!"

"But I'm not used to it!" pleaded poor Peach in a piteous tone.

"You'll get used to it in time," said the Wiggler; and it put the hookah into its mouth and began smoking again. "By the way, one side will make you grow larger, and the other side will make you grow smaller."

"One side of what? The other side of what?" thought Peach to herself.

"Of the mushroom, of course," said the Wiggler, just as if she had asked it aloud; and in another moment it vanished in a purple haze.

Peach remained looking thoughtfully at the mushroom for a minute, trying to make out which were the two sides of it; and as it was perfectly round, she found this a very difficult question. However, at last she stretched her arms round it as far as they would go, and broke off a bit of the edge with each hand.

"And now which is which?" she said to herself, and nibbled a little of the right-hand bit to try the effect. She nearly shrank even further to two inches.

She was a good deal frightened by this very sudden change, but she felt that there was no time to be lost, as she was shrinking rapidly; so she set to work at once to swallow a morsel of the left-hand bit. This time, however, she was now eight feet tall amid a large deal of the trees. After a while she remembered that she still held the pieces of the mushroom in her hands, and she set to work very carefully, nibbling first at one and then at the other, and growing sometimes larger and sometimes smaller, until she had succeeded in bringing herself down to her usual height. It was so long since she had been anything near the right size that it felt quite strange at first; but she got used to it in a few minutes and wandered further into the forest.


	7. The Cheshire-Yoshi

In the forest she saw a Yoshi's face floating in the air and singing a little song to itself:

"'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves

Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;

All mimsy were the borogoves,

And the mome raths outgrabe."

"What are you singing?" asked Peach curiously.

"Oh, it's called 'Jabberwocky,'" said the Yoshi, revealing its body in a striped green and teal. "Oh, by the way, I didn't introduce myself. I'm the Cheshire-Yoshi."

"Peach," she said timidly. "And could you tell me how to get out of here?"

"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cheshire-Yoshi.

"I don't much care where as long as I get somewhere," Peach said.

"Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cheshire-Yoshi, "if you only walk long enough."

"What sort of people live about here?" she asked.

"To the right," said the Cheshire-Yoshi, "lives the Mad Hammer Bro.; and to the left lives the March Chargin' Chuck. He's mad too."

"B-But I don't want to go among mad people!" Peach remarked.

"Oh, you can't help that," said the Cheshire-Yoshi. "We're all mad here, even the two of us."

"How do you know I'm mad?" said Peach.

"You must be," said the Cheshire-Yoshi, "or you wouldn't have come here."

"And how do you know that you're mad?"

"You see, a hen lays eggs when it's working, and eats when it's hungry. Now I lay eggs when I'm hungry, and eat when I'm working. Therefore I'm mad. Are you going to play croquet with the Queen today?"

"I should like it very much," said Peach, "but I haven't been invited yet."

"You'll see me there," said the Cheshire-Yoshi, vanishing.

"I've seen Hammer Bros. before," she said to herself. "The March Chargin' Chuck will be much the most interesting." As she said this, she looked up, and there was the Cheshire-Yoshi again, sitting on a branch of a tree.

"I wish you wouldn't keep appearing and vanishing so suddenly. You make me quite giddy!"

"All right," said the Cheshire-Yoshi; and this time it vanished quite slowly, beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, which remained some time after the rest of it had gone.

"Well! I've often seen a Yoshi without a grin," thought Peach, "but never a grin without a Yoshi!"

She had not gone much farther before she came in sight of the house of the March Chargin' Chuck; she thought it must be the right house, because the roof was covered in a large leather football helmet. "Suppose he should be raving mad after all!" she thought. "I almost wish I'd gone to see the Mad Hammer Bro. instead!"


	8. Peach and the Tea Party

There was a table set out under a tree in front of the house, and the Mad Hammer Bro. and the March Chargin' Chuck were having tea at it; a Spiny was sitting between them, fast asleep, and the other two were using it as a cushion, resting their elbows on it, and talking over its head. "May I?" asked Peach.

"Of course," said the March Chargin' Chuck.

"Want some tea?" the Mad Hammer Bro. asked.

"Oh, why not? I do love a bit of tea," answered Peach. As the Mad Hammer Bro. handed her teacup, he asked, "Why is a Rex like a writing-desk?"

"Come, we shall have some fun now!" thought Peach. "I'm glad they've begun asking riddles." Then she added aloud, "I believe I can guess that!"

"Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it?" said the March Chargin' Chuck.

"Exactly so," said Peach; but there was silence for some five minutes.

The Mad Hammer Bro. was the first to break the silence. "What day of the month is it?" he said, taking his watch out of his pocket, and looking at it uneasily, shaking it every now and then, and holding it to his ear.

Peach considered a little, and then said, "The eighth."

"Two days slow!" sighed the Mad Hammer Bro. "I told you butter wouldn't suit the works!"

"It was the best butter," the March Chargin' Chuck meekly replied.

"Yes, but some crumbs must have got in as well," the Mad Hammer Bro. grumbled. "You shouldn't have put it in with the bread-knife."

Peach had been looking over his shoulder with some curiosity. "What a funny watch!" she remarked. "It tells the day of the month, and doesn't tell what time of the day it is!"

"Why should it?" muttered the Mad Hammer Bro. "Does your watch tell you what year it is?"

"Of course not," Peach replied very readily, "but that's because it stays the same year for such a long time together."

"Have you guessed the riddle yet?" the Mad Hammer Bro. said, turning to Peach again.

"No, I give up," Peach replied. "What's the answer?"

"I haven't the slightest idea," said the Mad Hammer Bro.

"Nor do I," said the March Chargin' Chuck.

Peach sighed wearily. "I think you might do something better with the time," she said, "than waste it – or is it him – in asking riddles that have no answers."

"Time is him, my dear. Anyway, we quarrelled last March – just before he," the Mad Hammer Bro. said, pointing at the March Chargin' Chuck, "went mad, you know. It was at the great concert given by the Queen of Koopas, and I had to sing:

'Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!

How I wonder what you're at!'

You know the song, perhaps?"

"I've heard something like it," said Peach.

"It goes on, you know," the Mad Hammer Bro. continued, "like this:

'Up above the world you fly,

Like a tea-tray in the sky.

Twinkle, twinkle–'"

Here the Spiny shook itself, and began singing in its sleep "Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle–" and went on so long that they had to pinch it to make it stop.

"Well, I'd hardly finished the first verse," said the Mad Hammer Bro., "when the Queen jumped up and shouted, 'He's murdering time! Off with his head!'"

"How dreadfully savage!" exclaimed Peach.

"And ever since that," the Mad Hammer Bro. went on in a mournful tone, "he won't do a thing I ask! it's always six o'clock now."

"Suppose we change the subject," the March Chargin' Chuck interrupted, yawning. "I'm getting tired of this. I vote the young lady tells us a story."

"Very well," said Peach. "Once upon a time there was a girl named Peach who saw a White Rabbit…" To her surprise the Rabbit was right there. "And there he is!" she finished, gulping down her tea and running after him into the woods. The last time she saw the Mad Hammer Bro. and the March Chargin' Chuck, they were shoving the Spiny into the teapot.

"At any rate I'll never go there again!" said Peach as she picked her way through the wood. "It's the stupidest tea-party I ever was at in all my life!"


	9. Peach in the Tulgey Wood

Again in the woods, Peach seemed lost. Then she saw a familiar grin. "The Cheshire-Yoshi!" she cried. "I do want to know where I am!"

"You are in the tulgey wood, in the lay of the Jabberwock."

"But what is that?" asked Peach.

"Oh, you know the song I was singing earlier?" the Cheshire-Yoshi asked. "That's only the first verse. This is the whole song:

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves

Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;

All mimsy were the borogoves,

And the mome raths outgrabe.

'Beware the Jabberwock, my son!

The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!

Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun

The frumious Bandersnatch!'

He took his vorpal sword in hand –

Long time the manxome foe he sought –

So rested he by the Tumtum tree,

And stood awhile in thought."

("Who talks like that?" wondered Peach.)

"And as in uffish thought he stood,

The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,

Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,

And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through

The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!

He left it dead, and with its head

He went galumphing back."

("Galumphing?" the puzzled Peach asked herself.)

"'And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?

Come to my arms, my beamish boy!

O frabjous day! Callooh, Callay!'

He chortled in his joy."

("Callooh, Callay?!" Peach thought. "I – I don't want to hear it anymore.")

"'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves

Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;

All mimsy were the borogoves,

And the mome raths outgrabe."

"I have no clue what you said," said Peach. "It's so confusing!"

"I have no clue what it means, either," said the Cheshire-Yoshi, slowly vanishing. "It's all fictitious nonsense."

Just as it vanished, she noticed that one of the trees had a door leading right into it. "That's very curious!" she thought. "But everything's curious today. I think I may as well go in at once." And in she went.

Once more she found herself in the long hall, and close to the little glass table. "Now, I'll manage better this time," she said to herself, and began by taking the little golden key, and unlocking the door that led into the garden. Then she went to work nibbling at the mushroom (she had kept a piece of it in her pocket) till she was about a foot high; then she walked down the little passage; and then – she found herself at last in the beautiful garden, among the bright flower-beds and the cool fountains.


	10. Croquet with the Queen of Koopas

A large rose tree stood at the entrance to the garden. Although the roses growing on it were white, three Shy Guys, coloured white, red, and pink, were busily painting them red and singing:

"We're painting the roses red!

We're painting the roses red!

We dare not stop

Or waste a drop…

So let the paint be spread!

We're painting the roses red!

We're painting the roses red!

We're painting the roses red!

And many a tear we've shed,

Because we know

They'll cease to grow.

In fact, they'll soon be dead!

And yet we go ahead…

Just painting the roses red!

We're painting the roses red!

We're painting the roses red!"

Then Peach chimed in, singing her lovely soprano:

"Why, pardon me,

But Mister Three,

Why _must_ you paint them red?"

"You see, Miss," said the Red Shy Guy, "this was supposed to be a red rose tree, and we planted a white one by mistake; so…

The Queen she likes them red.

If she saw white instead,

She'd raise a fuss,

And each of us

Would quickly lose his head!

Since this is the part we dread,

We're painting the roses red!"

And the three Shy Guys sang again in unison:

"We're painting the roses red!

We're painting the roses red!

Don't tell the Queen

What you have seen

Or say that's what we said.

We're painting the roses red,

Yes, painting the roses red!

Not pink, not green!"

"Not aquamarine!" said Peach, and together the three Shy Guys finished the song:

"We're painting the roses red!"

After this Peach heard a loud fanfare – "And to think it was the _William Tell_ Overture," she thought – and the White Shy Guy shouted, "The Queen! The Queen!" and, as they closed their masks and fell on the ground, their backs facing up, Peach looked round, eager to see the Queen.

First came ten Shy Guys, like the three gardeners, but carrying clubs; next followed ten Snifits, ornamented with diamonds, and walking in pairs like the Shy Guys. After these came ten little Koopa Troopas adorned with hearts. Next came the guests, among them the White Rabbit; then followed the Knave of Koopas, carrying the King's crown on a crimson velvet cushion; and, last of all this grand procession, came THE KING AND QUEEN OF KOOPAS.

Peach was rather doubtful whether she ought not to lie down on her face like the three gardeners, but she could not remember ever having heard of such a rule at processions; "and besides, what would be the use of a procession," thought she, "if people had all to lie down upon their faces, so that they couldn't see it?" So she stood still where she was, and waited.

When the procession came opposite to Peach, they all stopped and looked at her, and the Queen asked, "What's your name, child?"

"My name is Peach, so please your Majesty," said Peach very politely.

"And who are _these_?" said the Queen, pointing to the three gardeners who were lying round the rose tree, for she could not tell whether they were gardeners or soldiers.

"How should _I_ know?" said Peach, surprised at her own courage. "It's no business of _mine_."

The Queen turned crimson with fury, and, after glaring at her for a moment like a wild beast, screamed "Off with her head! Off–"

"Nonsense!" said Peach, very loudly and decidedly, and the Queen was silent.

The King laid his hand upon her arm, and timidly said "Consider, my dear; she is only a child!"

The Queen turned angrily away from him, and said to the Knave, "Turn them over!"

The Knave did so, very carefully, with one foot.

"Get up!" said the Queen, in a shrill, loud voice, and the three gardeners instantly jumped up. "What _have_ you been doing here?"

"May it please your Majesty," said the Red Shy Guy, in a very humble tone, going down on one knee as he spoke, "we were trying–"

"I _see_!" said the Queen, who had meanwhile been examining the roses. "You've given the cook tulip-roots instead of turnips. Now you've painted my roses red. Off with their heads!" and the procession moved on, three of the soldiers remaining behind to execute the unfortunate gardeners and dragging them to their doom as the Queen Turned to Peach.

"Can you play croquet?" shouted the Queen.

"Yes!" shouted Peach.

"Come on, then!" roared the Queen, and Peach joined the procession, wondering very much what would happen next.

"It's – it's a very fine day!" said a timid voice at her side. She was walking by the White Rabbit, who was peeping anxiously into her face.

"Very," said Peach.

"Get to your places!" shouted the Queen in a voice of thunder. Peach thought she had never seen such a curious croquet-ground in her life; the balls were live Buzzy Beetles, the mallets live Albatosses, and the Koopas had to double themselves up and to stand on their hands and feet to make the arches.

Peach found problems in managing her Albatoss and hitting her Buzzy Beetle, and soon came to the conclusion that it was a very difficult game indeed. The Queen went stamping about, and shouting "Off with his head!" or "Off with her head!" about once in a minute.

Peach began to feel very uneasy; to be sure, she had not as yet had any dispute with the Queen, but she knew that it might happen any minute. "And then," thought she, "what would become of me?"

She was looking about for some way of escape, and wondering whether she could get away without being seen, when she noticed a curious appearance in the air. It puzzled her very much at first, but, after watching it a minute or two, she made it out to be a grin, and she said to herself "It's the Cheshire-Yoshi! Now I shall have somebody to talk to."

"How are you getting on?" said the Cheshire-Yoshi, as soon as there was enough of a mouth for it to speak with.

Peach waited till the eyes appeared, and then nodded. "It's no use speaking to it," she thought, "till its body has come, or at least some of it." In another minute the whole head appeared, and then Peach put down her Albatoss, and began an account of the game, feeling very glad she had someone to listen to her. The Cheshire-Yoshi seemed to think that there was enough of it now in sight, and no more of it appeared.

"I don't think they play at all fairly," Peach began, in rather a complaining tone, "and they don't seem to have any rules in particular; at least, if there are, nobody attends to them."

"How do you like the Queen?" said the Cheshire-Yoshi in a low voice.

"Not at all," said Peach. "She's so extremely likely to win that it's hardly worth while finishing the game."

"Who are you talking to?" said the King, going up to Peach, and looking at the Cheshire-Yoshi's head with great curiosity.

"It's a friend of mine, the Cheshire-Yoshi," said Peach.

"I don't like the look of it at all," said the King, "but it may kiss my hand if it likes."

"I'd rather not," the Cheshire-Yoshi remarked.

"Don't be impertinent," said the King, "and don't look at me like that!" He got behind Peach as he spoke.

When the Queen appeared, the Cheshire-Yoshi's head began fading away, and after a few seconds it had entirely disappeared, so the party went back to the game, when a cry of "The trial's beginning!" was heard in the distance.

"What trial is it?" Peach panted as she ran; but she was soon to find out.


	11. Who led the Koopa Troopas astray?

The King and Queen of Koopas were seated on their throne when they arrived, with a great crowd assembled about them. The Knave was standing before them, in chains, with a Shy Guy on each side to guard him; and near the King was the White Rabbit, with a trumpet in one hand, and a scroll of parchment in the other. In the very middle of the court was a bench, with several Koopa Troopas piled on it. Peach began looking at everything about her, to pass away the time.

Peach had never been in a court of justice before, but she had read about them in books, and she was quite pleased to find that she knew the name of nearly everything there. "That's the judge," she said to herself, "because of his great wig; And that's the jury-box; and those twelve creatures are the jurors."

The White Rabbit cried out, "Silence in the court!" and the King put on his spectacles, unsure of what Peach was saying.

One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. This of course, Peach could not stand, and she went round the court and got behind him, and very soon found an opportunity of taking it away. She did it so quickly that the poor little juror (it was Luigi, the Lizard) could not make out at all what had become of it; so, after hunting all about for it, he was obliged to write with one finger for the rest of the day; and this was of very little use, as it left no mark on the slate.

"Herald, read the accusation!" said the King.

On this the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and then unrolled the parchment scroll, and read as follows:

"The Queen of Koopas, she sent some Troopas,

Out on a summer day:

The Knave of Koopas, he saw those Troopas,

And led them quite astray!"

"Consider your verdict," the King said to the jury.

"Not yet, not yet!" the Rabbit hastily interrupted. "There's A great deal to come before that!"

"Call the first witness," said the King; and the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and called out, "First witness!"

The first witness was the Mad Hammer Bro. He came in with a teacup in one hand and a piece of bread-and-butter in the other. "I beg pardon, your Majesty," he began, "for bringing these in: but I hadn't quite finished my tea when I was sent for."

"You ought to have finished," said the King. "When did you begin?"

The Mad Hammer Bro. looked at the March Chargin' Chuck, who had followed him into the court, arm-in-arm with the Spiny. "Fourteenth of March, I think it was," he said.

"Fifteenth," said the March Chargin' Chuck.

"Sixteenth," added the Spiny.

"Write that down," the King said to the jury, and the jury eagerly wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then added them up, and reduced the answer to shillings and pence.

"Hand over your hammer," the King said to the Mad Hammer Bro.

"It isn't mine," said the Mad Hammer Bro.

"Stolen!" the King exclaimed, turning to the jury, who instantly made a memorandum of the fact.

"I keep them to sell," the Mad Hammer Bro. added as an explanation. "I've none of my own. I'm a Hammer Bro."

Here the Queen put on her spectacles, and began staring at the Mad Hammer Bro., who turned pale and fidgeted.

"Give your evidence," said the King, "and don't be nervous, or I'll have you executed on the spot."

This did not seem to encourage the witness at all; he kept shifting from one foot to the other, looking uneasily at the Queen, and in his confusion he bit a large piece out of his teacup instead of the bread-and-butter.

Just at this moment Peach felt a very curious sensation, which puzzled her a good deal until she made out what it was. She was beginning to grow larger again, and she thought at first she would get up and leave the court; but on second thoughts she decided to remain where she was as long as there was room for her.

"I wish you wouldn't squeeze so." said the Spiny, who was sitting next to her. "I can hardly breathe."

"I can't help it," said Peach very meekly. "I'm growing."

"You've no right to grow here," said the Spiny.

"Don't talk nonsense," said Peach more boldly. "You know you're growing too."

"Yes, but I grow at a reasonable pace," said the Spiny, "not in that ridiculous fashion." And he got up very sulkily and crossed over to the other side of the court.

All this time the Queen had never left off staring at the Mad Hammer Bro., and, just as the Spiny crossed the court, she said to one of the officers of the court, "Bring me the list of the singers in the last concert!" on which the wretched Mad Hammer Bro. trembled so that he shook both his shoes off.

"Give your evidence," the King repeated angrily, "or I'll have you executed, whether you're nervous or not."

"I'm a poor Koopa, your Majesty," the Mad Hammer Bro. began, in a trembling voice, "–and I hadn't begun my tea – not above a week or so – and what with the bread-and-butter getting so thin – and the twinkling of the tea–"

"The twinkling of the what?" said the King.

"It began with the tea," the Mad Hammer Bro. replied.

"Of course twinkling begins with a T!" said the King sharply. "Do you take me for a dunce? Go on!"

"I'm a poor Koopa," the Mad Hammer Bro. went on, "and most things twinkled after that—only the March Chargin' Chuck said–"

"I didn't!" the March Chargin' Chuck interrupted in a great hurry.

"You did!" said the Mad Hammer Bro.

"I deny it!" said the March Chargin' Chuck.

"He denies it," said the King. "Leave out that part."

"Well, at any rate, the Spiny said–" the Mad Hammer Bro. went on, looking anxiously round to see if he would deny it too; but the Spiny denied nothing, being fast asleep.

"After that," continued the Mad Hammer Bro., "I cut some more bread-and-butter–"

"But what did the Spiny say?" one of the jury asked.

"That I can't remember," said the Mad Hammer Bro.

"You must remember," remarked the King, "or I'll have you executed."

The miserable Mad Hammer Bro. dropped his teacup and bread-and-butter, and went down on one knee. "I'm a poor Koopa, your Majesty," he began.

"And you're a very poor speaker," said the King. "If that's all you know about it, you may stand down," continued the King.

"I can't go any lower," said the Mad Hammer Bro. "I'm on the floor, as it is."

"Then you may sit down," the King replied.

"I'd rather finish my tea," said the Mad Hammer Bro., with an anxious look at the Queen, who was reading the list of singers.

"You may go," said the King, and the Mad Hammer Bro. hurriedly left the court, without even waiting to put his shoes on.

"–and just take his head off outside," the Queen added to one of the officers; but the Mad Hammer Bro. was out of sight before the officer could get to the door.

"Call the next witness!" said the King.

The next witness was the Cheshire-Yoshi, who appeared right in front of everybody's wondering eyes as it had done before.

"Give your evidence," said the King.

"I won't," said the Cheshire-Yoshi.

The King looked anxiously at the White Rabbit, who said in a low voice, "Your Majesty must cross-examine this witness."

"Well, if I must, I must," the King said, with a melancholy air, and, after folding his arms and frowning at the Cheshire-Yoshi till his eyes were nearly out of sight, he said in a deep voice, "How do you know about Koopa Troopas?"

"I eat them, mostly," said the Cheshire-Yoshi.

"It stomps on them," said a sleepy voice behind it.

"Collar that Spiny," the Queen shrieked out. "Behead that Spiny! Turn that Spiny out of court! Suppress him! Pinch him! Off with his spikes!"

For some minutes the whole court was in confusion, getting the Spiny turned out, and, by the time they had settled down again, the Cheshire-Yoshi had disappeared.

"Never mind!" said the King, with an air of great relief. "Call the next witness." And he added in an undertone to the Queen, "Really, my dear, you must cross-examine the next witness. It quite makes my forehead ache!"

Peach watched the White Rabbit as he fumbled over the list, feeling very curious to see what the next witness would be like, "–for they haven't got much evidence yet," she said to herself. Imagine her surprise, when the White Rabbit read out, at the top of his shrill little voice, the name "PEACH!"


	12. Peach's Evidence

"Here!" cried Peach, quite forgetting in the flurry of the moment how large she had grown in the last few minutes, and she jumped up in such a hurry that she tipped over the jury-box with the edge of her skirt, upsetting all the jurymen on to the heads of the crowd below, and there they lay sprawling about, reminding her very much of a globe of Cheep-Cheeps she had accidentally upset the week before.

"Oh, I beg your pardon!" she exclaimed in a tone of great dismay, and began picking them up again as quickly as she could, for the accident of the Cheep-Cheeps kept running in her head, and she had a vague sort of idea that they must be collected at once and put back into the jury-box, or they would die.

"The trial cannot proceed," said the King in a very grave voice, "until all the jurymen are back in their proper places – all," he repeated with great emphasis, looking hard at Peach.

Peach looked at the jury-box, and saw that, in her haste, she had put Luigi in head downwards, and the poor little thing was waving his tail about in a melancholy way, being quite unable to move. She soon got him out again, and put him right, "not that it signifies much," she said to herself; "I should think he would be quite as much use in the trial one way up as the other."

As soon as the jury had a little recovered from the shock of being upset, and their slates and pencils had been found and handed back to them, they set to work very diligently to write out a history of the accident, all except Luigi, who seemed too much overcome to do anything but sit with his mouth open, gazing up into the roof of the court.

"What do you know about this business?" the King said to Peach.

"Nothing," said Peach.

"Nothing whatever?" persisted the King.

"Nothing whatever," said Peach.

"that's very important," the King said, turning to the jury. They were just beginning to write this down on their slates, when the White Rabbit interrupted: "Unimportant, your Majesty means, of course," he said in a very respectful tone, but frowning and making faces at him as he spoke.

"Unimportant, of course, I meant," the King hastily said, and went on to himself in an undertone, "Important – unimportant – unimportant – important–" as if he were trying which word sounded best.

Some of the jury wrote it down "important," and some "unimportant." Peach could see this, as she was near enough to look over their slates; "but it doesn't matter a bit," she thought to herself.

At this moment the King, who had been for some time busily writing in his note-book, called out "Silence!" and read out from his book, "Rule Forty-two: All persons more than a mile high to leave the court."

Everybody looked at Peach.

"I'm not a mile high," said Peach.

"You are," said the King.

"Nearly two miles high," added the Queen.

"Well, I shan't go, at any rate," said Peach. "Besides, that's not a regular rule. You invented it just now."

"It's the oldest rule in the book," said the King.

"Then it ought to be Number One," said Peach.

The King turned pale, and shut his note-book hastily. "Consider your verdict," he said to the jury, in a low, trembling voice.

"There's more evidence to come yet, please your Majesty," said the White Rabbit, jumping up in a great hurry. "This paper has just been picked up."

"What's in it?" said the Queen.

"I haven't opened it yet," said the White Rabbit, "but it seems to be a letter, written by the prisoner to – to somebody."

"It must have been that," said the King, "unless it was written to nobody, which isn't usual, you know."

"Who is it directed to?" said one of the jurymen.

"It isn't directed at all," said the White Rabbit. "In fact, there's nothing written on the outside." He unfolded the paper as he spoke, and added "It isn't a letter, after all. It's a set of verses."

"Are they in the prisoner's handwriting?" asked another of the jurymen.

"No, they're not," said the White Rabbit, "and that's the queerest thing about it." (The jury all looked puzzled.)

"He must have imitated somebody else's hand," said the King. (The jury all brightened up again.)

"Please your Majesty," said the Knave, "I didn't write it, and they can't prove I did. There's no name signed at the end."

"If you didn't sign it," said the King, "that only makes the matter worse. You must have meant some mischief, or else you'd have signed your name like an honest man."

There was a general clapping of hands at this. It was the first really clever thing the King had said that day.

"That proves his guilt," said the Queen.

"It proves nothing of the sort!" said Peach. "Why, you don't even know what they're about!"

"Read them," said the King.

The White Rabbit put on his spectacles. "Where shall I begin, please your Majesty?" he asked.

"Begin at the beginning," the King said gravely, "and go on till you come to the end; then stop."

These were the verses the White Rabbit read:

"They told me you had been to her,

And mentioned me to him;

She gave me a good character,

But said I could not swim.

He sent them word I had not gone

(We know it to be true);

If she should push the matter on,

What would become of you?

I gave her one, they gave him two,

You gave us three or more;

They all returned from him to you,

Though they were mine before.

If I or she should chance to be

Involved in this affair,

He trusts to you to set them free,

Exactly as we were.

My notion was that you had been

(Before she had this fit)

An obstacle that came between

Him, and ourselves, and it.

Don't let him know she liked them best,

For this must ever be

A secret, kept from all the rest,

Between yourself and me."

"That's the most important piece of evidence we've heard yet," said the King, rubbing his hands. "So now let the jury–"

"If any one of them can explain it," said Peach, (she had grown so large in the last few minutes that she wasn't a bit afraid of interrupting him,) "I'll give him sixpence. I don't believe there's any meaning in it."

The jury all wrote down on their slates, "She doesn't believe there's any meaning in it," but none of them attempted to explain the paper.

"If there's no meaning in it," said the King, "that saves a world of trouble, you know, as we needn't try to find any. And yet I don't know," he went on, spreading out the verses on his knee, and looking at them with one eye. "I seem to see some meaning in them, after all. '–said I could not swim–' you can't swim, can you?" he added, turning to the Knave.

The Knave shook his head sadly. "Do I look like it?" he said. (Which he certainly did not, being a land Koopa.)

"All right, so far," said the King, and he went on muttering over the verses to himself: "'We know it to be true–' that's the jury, of course– 'I gave her one, they gave him two–' why, that must be what he did with the Koopa Troopas, you know–"

"But, it goes on 'they all returned from him to you,'" said Peach.

"Why, there they are!" said the King triumphantly, pointing to the Koopas on the table. "Nothing can be clearer than that. Then again– 'before she had this fit–' you never had fits, my dear, I think?" he said to the Queen.

"Never!" said the Queen furiously, throwing an inkstand at Luigi as she spoke. (The unfortunate little Luigi had left off writing on his slate with one finger, as he found it made no mark; but he now hastily began again, using the ink that was trickling down his face, as long as it lasted.)

"Then the words don't fit you," said the King, looking round the court with a smile. There was a dead silence.

"It's a pun!" the King added in an offended tone, and everybody laughed. "Let the jury consider their verdict," the King said for about the twentieth time that day.

"No, no!" said the Queen. "Sentence first – verdict afterwards."

"Stuff and nonsense!" said Peach loudly. "The idea of having the sentence first!"

"Hold your tongue!" said the Queen, turning purple.

"I won't!" said Peach.

"Off with her head!" the Queen shouted at the top of her voice. Nobody moved.

"Who cares for you?" said Peach, who had grown to her full size by this time. She ran off and went back to the hallway where she was before. Then she found herself lying on the bank, with her head in the lap of Daisy, who was gently brushing away some dead leaves that had fluttered down from the trees upon her face.

"Wake up, Peach dear!" said Daisy. "Why, what a long sleep you've had!"

"Oh, I've had such a curious dream!" said Peach, and she told Daisy, as well as she could remember them, all these strange Adventures of hers; and when she had finished, Daisy kissed her, and said, "It was a curious dream, dear, certainly; but come! it's time for tea!" So Peach got up and ran off, thinking while she ran, as well she might, what a wonderful dream it had been.


End file.
